Jon and I popped over to Cathays Park this afternoon for lunchtime as we typically do when the weather’s nice (Note: must take some photographs of the area one day). We usually sit in the sunshine muching away and putting the world in its place.
Today was a continuation of the recent theme which is relationships, unsurprisingly, something that’s dominated our conversations of late mainly due to the much celebrated and recent arrival of a certain young man in my life *waves*. Much of the conversation was taken up with my concerns that this relationship is limiting Sean at a time when I’m not sure that he needs to be being tied down in that way (shush, Jon). This in no way reflects my feelings for him – well, actually that’s not true, it does because I care enough about him to be worried about him. But my feelings for him are entirely positive, it’s just I worry about what impact this will have for him. We’ve had no cause for concern so far – in fact quite the opposite, we seem to be going from strength to strength, but I do worry about him. I suppose that’s only natural.
The other musing that was discussed today was the different attitudes between Nathan and Sean towards Mountain Rescue. Now Nathan and I had been seeing each other for some time before I started going to MR, so for Nathan it was a change. For Sean, he’s only known me whilst that has been a part of my life, so for him it’s just part of me, which is a big difference. But more than that, I realised that Nathan’s main reason for his negative feelings towards MR disappeared in two stages. The first was when he did his advanced first aid course with the University. He started to appreciate more the feeling of responsibility that comes with medical training of any sort – the burden of “duty of care” that means that you do realise that you can make a difference and that you have more training than most people and the responsibility that places upon you to help any innocent bystander who is having difficulties whether you’re ‘on duty’ or not (whatever that means in your context). I think he realises a lot better now how I feel about what I do with the team, and the internal battle I have when the pager goes off between my responsibilities to the team, and everything else in life. I know that when that pager goes I could be the difference between someone dying or living.
Secondly, I think Nathan realised when he started seeing Gavin that interests outside the relationship are healthy and good. Spending time doing other things away from the relationship is good – it’s not an indication that I don’t want to be with my partner, it’s just that I have other interests that don’t necessarily have to be his interests. Moreover, it’s probably best that they aren’t because then we have something to talk about, although Sean has expressed an interest in perhaps joining a team which would be fantastic. *grin*
I do hope that Sean’s understanding of MR and my intentions are along those lines and not just a tolerance of something that he finds an irritation – I’m fairly sure it is (though I guess I’ll found out in a few hours time…). I did, however, spend some time looking at my personal goals after breaking up with Nathan as is reflected in my personal mission statement, and I have said that I wouldnever again put anything before a relationship. Not that I should give everything up just to be with someone – that would be wrong; but that I prioritise things properly. I think Sean understands that I’m still learning where that line lies.
Anyway, er that’s plenty of introspective mumblings for today I think.
[1] Not to inflate my self-worth with the team I understand that the role that I play within the team, especially as such a junior member, is very small, but like a machine, th team works together and while we are flexible in our roles and what people we have, it could be that I am that pivotal one day. You never know which day that will be.